Just so you're aware, I'll be jumping around quite a lot. It's 3 am and I have A.D.D. That's just how my brain works. Actually, my brain works like that all the time, the fact that it's 3 am is completely irrelevant. I'll also be taking a page from Hayley G. Hoover's book, so to speak, and using asterisks* for a little bit of background story wherever I see fit. Which means I'll probably use way too many of them because I tend to go off on tangents a lot. For example, this introduction/explanation is far too long because I rambled too much. Enjoy.
Obviously (well, unless you've never read LFA, then it's not so much) the quote brings back the memories of reading John Green's fantastic book. I've only read it one full time, plus I read about 1/3 of it about a year ago during the summer. I then lent it to my cousin, and haven't seen it since, so I'll probably have to buy yet another copy because that was my second. But I digress.
The fact that I've only read it once changes absolutely nothing. I remember the exact day I started reading it:
It was during my junior year of high school, and it was a Wednesday. I know this because I had Physiology on Wednesday mornings and on this particular day I ditched and was sitting in Mr. Geib's 9th grade English class because my "friend" Mia was in it. I guess she was my friend, but the friendship was short lived. Anyway, I was there instead of where I was supposed to be. Not surprisingly, this happened about once or twice a month***. Before I ended up in Geib's room, however, I had pulled an all-nighter, my first ever, in fact. The day before, I bought two books at random from Barnes and Noble, Looking For Alaska by John Green and Keeping You a Secret by Julie Anne Peters. I stayed up all night reading the latter of the two from cover to cover (it's also quite good). I immediately started LFA around 5 am that Wednesday morning because I just had the reading bug. I ended up leaving my house at 6, went to get a donut and a Monster energy drink****, and then went to seminary at 6:30 with the only thing on my mind being Miles Halter.
So. After Geib's class, I don't really remember the rest of that day, probably because I was so tired. When I got home I took a nap. That I remember.
My point is that the quote reminds me of the book, which then makes me happy and sad and incredibly curious about life after death. And even just life in general. That's the thing, see. A Great Perhaps. What is it?? I believe we each have our very own individual Great Perhaps in each of our lives and that we will either find it or we won't. Not everyone will. Some will search for it, some will not, but regardless of whether or not we are looking for it, it's out there, whatever it is.
Personally, I know what I would like my Great Perhaps to be, but I have no idea if that is what it is, if that makes any sense. Personal revelation versus actual revelation. What is and what I want to be are not the same thing.
I don't generally come off as a religious person, but I truly am. I grew up in the LDS Church, and I am still a member, though perhaps not your traditional Mormon. I side as liberal in most political situations, have tattoos, and watch rated R movies on a regular basis, which isn't quite the norm down here in extremely conservative Southern Utah, but I still love my Church. I believe that physical death is just that: physical. Otherwise, I think we will all go on to bigger and better things after death, in a sense. Whether or not my Great Perhaps is then or now is information that is beyond me, but I like to think it's one or the other, and that I will find it someday.
Good night and later days.
Song of the Day: "Feel It In My Bones" by Tiesto featuring Tegan & Sara
fact: I can't sleep at night if I'm thinking too much, which means that I generally can't ever sleep at all because I'm always thinking, and at quite fast rates. I was prescribed a generic Ambien sort of thing to take to help, but anyone who is street smart about drugs (whether you do them or not) knows that Ambien can be a little weird if you don't go to sleep when you take it. Well, I once forgot that I had taken it. Everything was fine, and after about 30 minutes, I stood up from being seated and found that I was, to put it bluntly, high. Therefore, I must be careful and remember that I did in fact take my meds. Good times.
*If you've never read it, I recommend it, it's truly one of the most thought provoking and heart wrenching coming of age stories I've ever read.
**Funny story: I wasn't actually in my yearbook senior year. I changed schools in the middle of the year, and I didn't make it into my new school's yearbook, but I was still in the old school's. Regardless, the old school wouldn't let me buy a year book from them because I was no longer a student with them...even though I had been for 3 and a half years prior. Hmm.
***For the record I got a D in Physiology because I never turned in my work. It was probably one of my favorite non-art classes in all of high school though, and I still remember quite a lot from it.
****I'm allergic to all energy drinks, more specifically taurine. For some reason my body never reacted to it until last summer when I got an energy booster in my Jamba Juice smoothie and I proceeded to break out in hives, which was weird for me, seeing as it was the first time I had ever been allergic to anything. I narrowed down taurine because I did some research and found out that it was the only ingredient from the boost that is also in Rockstar juice energy drinks (and all others), which is what I drank the second time I broke out in hives last October when I was studying for a nutrition test.
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