My Idea of Living

Tomorrow is the start of NaNoWriMo and I'm freaking out a little bit internally. Wait. Back up; those two ideas have nothing to do with each other. It is true, it starts tomorrow, but that's not why I'm freaking out internally. I'm freaking out because I have a paper due on Charlotte Perkins Gilman tomorrow at 9 am and I haven't even read everything for it.

OH, by the way, I'm thinking of leaving school after this next spring semester. I'm not giving up, I'm just postponing my education for, let's say, three years or so. In fact, I wrote a post on this the other day over on tumblr, but I'll copy and paste it here for you to read:

School is beatin’ me down, you guys.

I’m not doing well, in other words. I am currently passing 3 of my 6 classes, as far as I know, and I simply have very little motivation to continue onward. I know, I know. “OMG it’s one semester, get over it”. No. It’s school in general. Life, really. This little conservative town that I live in and all the expectations people have of me (or in some cases, lack thereof). I want to teach eventually, this is true, and yes, I have to go to college and such in order to do this. But at the same time…I want to live my life more right now.

One of my roommates is a lot like me, in the sense that we both want to see the world, travel a lot, and basically live life to the fullest. Plus, she has amazing taste in music and movies. Anyway, she’s going to stop going to school next semester because she honestly doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life, and I think she just wants to stop and figure it out…meanwhile, she’ll be saving up to travel the world.

This is an intriguing idea. The only thing that has previously stopped me from dropping out* of school is the fact that I would have to start paying my loans back, but I’m really not sure why I’m so afraid of that. I have the time, I’m capable, and I can do it. The thought of not going to school, of just working and saving up money to move to somewhere I’ve always wanted to go to is so tempting.

Another thing is that I’m very close to acquiring just my Associates degree, which isn’t much these days it seems, but it’s better to have that than nothing, especially if I end up needing another job at some point, right?

I mean…I could be looking at this the completely wrong way. I could be throwing away my future. But I really don’t see it as that; truthfully, I want to put my future on hold and focus on the present day.

As human beings, we are bound to make mistakes and bad choices, but we are also able to take those experiences and learn from them. I feel as though I haven’t learned anything from my life in at least two years. I’m doing it all by the book, but I don’t want to be. I want to go to all the places I have never been before, and I want to live my life and make mistakes. I want to do something stupid and make new friends and write postcards home from wherever I happen to be at the time. I want to live in the NOW. Not the in-five-years-from-now.

I’m pretty sure that this next spring semester is going to be the last one for me for a couple of years. I don’t want a plan to live by, I want a life to live.

So. There’s that.

*I hate that the idea of dropping out has such a negative connotation attached to it. I know it’s stupid, but people really do look at you differently when you tell them you’re going to stop going to school.

I Suggest You Smile

One of the greatest feelings a person can feel, in the personal opinion, is happiness. Now, happiness can have an exponential amount of components adding to the awesome, so to speak, like friendship, love, music, etc. But the thing that always sneaks up on me are other people. Not literally sneak up on me, but as in the ways I see people act on a day to day basis, generally within viewing distance, not to sound creepy. I people watch. We all do it. Like facebook stalking.

But I digress.

Today I was walking from the library down to the Hazy building so I could finish my design homework (which is where I am now, and am I doing my homework? No. I'm writing this), and it's about 1/3 of a mile or so, and I passed a lot of people. Not only was I stoked to grab a copy of The Sacred Wood essays by T. S. Elliot, but I had just come from the library, which is one off my favorite places to be now, apparently. The feeling of being around so much knowledge is just...overwhelming. And mesmerizing. Anyway, I was watching people as I walked, and saw a lot of blank faces, but I also saw some smiles, which cheered me up, and in turn made me smile.

Generally, people feel that smiling without a reason to smile feels a little awkward, but I love the feeling. If I pass a person on the sidewalk that sees me smiling for no reason, perhaps it will make their day a little bit just as mine has been made by someone else.

So today...I suggest that you smile.

:]

...and listen to music.

Song of the Day: "Open" by Delay.

Later days.

Moving

I'm moving out of my parents home in two weeks to go and live with some friends on the other side of town. It's not so much that I don't like living with my family, because I [kind of] do for the most part, but I want to be on my own. Pay my own rent, buy my own food, etc. Now that I'm at a point where I have a job that supports me well enough to do that...I'm doing it.

Luckily, my parents just got a new (used) car, so they're letting me have the Jimmy as my own. But, knowing my luck, that car will probably break before the end of next year. It's all good for now, though.

I just started doing this thing where I write down things in my notebook during the day of things that I observe in classes and about people. I'm calling it 'research' for NaNoWriMo, justifying the idea of people watching to myself. Though, practically everyone does it, so I'm not sure why I find it weird.

Anyway, I thought I'd share that.

I'm still not sure if I'm going to keep building off the same story I was writing last year or start all over with a new one. I'll let you know, and probably share some of it with the interwebs.

I'm tired.

Later days.

Song of the Day: "The Con" by Tegan and Sara

Believe in Human Beings

I have noticed recently that I am constantly having to remind myself that we are all human beings.

It's hard to live, we all know this. Going through life is no easy task and there are always tough things that we go through, things that happen to each of us that are constantly changing us, making us a little bit different, whether it be for the better or worse.

The only jobs that I've had so far in the last 4 years are in the food service business, generally having to do with customer service, therefore, interaction with people. Now, I love people. I love people with practically every fiber of my being, or something ridiculous like that. It truly is ridiculous, though. I enjoy the presence of others in my everyday life and I love to socialized and see others socialize, and know that we ar e all somehow supporting each other's happiness by simply being.

I also know that every single human being on this earth has flaws. As in multiple. No single person is perfect in this world, at least not yet (interpret that however you want). Personally, I love flaws. Flaws make us who we are, and they make it so much more interesting for us to interact with each other. Flaws lead to mistakes, which I also love. It took me several years to come to the conclusion that I do not have one single regret in my life. In fact, I am truly grateful for the mistakes I've made in the past. I love that we, as humans, can even make mistakes, let alone realize that it's okay to make them. We are a learning and reasoning species, but we are also impulsive. Our impulses and instances of being slightly off at times make us human beings, and I love it.

When interacting with people at work and in the world and such, I get irritated, and, on rare occasion, angry. The thing that tends to help me reason with myself and justify why people are as such is to remind myself of just that: people are all different and they are people. Simply people.

There may be sociological and psychological reasoning behind why people are the way they are, but I choose to accept that people just are. They are. I am. We are. And you? Just simply be.